this is so unedited, but i felt i needed to say it before i forgot.
After I wrote the blog “Not the girl” I got some really cool responses. I like it better when people leave messages in my comment box, but mostly everyone hit me up on yahoo messenger and wanted to discuss my latest rambling. I have a friend, he is mostly I guess what you call a dominate top. He’s been a relationship for a couple of years now, I guess he is happy. So this friend hit me up this past weekend and wanted to know after reading my blog, how does a top really please a bottom.
I know a lot of gay man don’t like titles. The fear is being trapped in boxes, that homosexuality shouldn’t be heterosexual, when it is, and it don’t matter your position, whether it’s top or bottom or versatile, somebody is getting penetrated. But that is the overall feeling of penetration, and person who is getting penetrated, what is his role?
Before I can begin, let’s go back to “Not the girl” let’s go back to virginity. For anyone, boy or girl, the person getting penetrated the first time it’s always a very awkward and unsatisfying time. Why is that? Even for the “good” girls who wait, it’s never what they expected. a man can’t please a woman, a woman has to learn to please herself. If you are the one being penetrated, it’s as if the minute you open your legs, you have to start searching what the hell is sex all about. Because the truth, girls aren’t suppose to like sex. Girls aren’t suppose to know their bodies. The average boy start masturbating around age 12. The idea of a 12 year old girl masturbating most people would find horrifying. And why do “good” girls wait? And why do women want a man whose soared his wild oaks?
If the question is how does a top please a bttm, one would have to ask, what is the bttm’s role. I have a friend, I want mention his name, he doesn’t get into penetration. For the last decade, his role has been an oral bttm. He gets online, find young boys or men who are willing to let him come over and suck their dick, but they hardly ever reciprocate. He used to say he didn’t need to cum. I found that to be a lie. He was sexually frustrated because he convinced himself that as a bttm, his entire role was to make a top have an orgasm. His entire role in life was to milk dick. he was entire role in life was to be a sexual slave. and where did he learn that?
So the real question for the top asking the question how to please a bttm, it was how to stop a bttm for performing and pretending. in the movie “when Harry met sally” we all now that famous scene “Faking it.” and why do women fake it. why do women don’t get to know their bodies like men have been doing since he was a kid.
Sex is selfish. Men learn that before middle school. The truth, if girls weren’t programmed to be the sexual slaves of men, then bttms wouldn’t had inherited the psychology of the role. Men only learn sex through pornography. men only know their sexuality from
secret, the porn they stole from an uncle or father, the lingerie section in the Sunday newspaper. it’s all fantasy. and I know this because I watch bttms perform in gay films and I’m like, why is he moaning like a girl. Why is he swinging his neck like he has blond hair. why is he not asking questions. why is he so damn submissive. it’s because he is a slave. it’s not that he doesn’t’ know his dick. he knows his dick, but he aint using it. so if you don’t use your dick, you become a sexual slave. it’s like the whip. you either whipping or getting whipped.
The idea of sexual satisfaction is selfish. But it’s a circle. In order for me to start appreciating and having sexual satisfaction with my body, I first had to ask myself why did I become a bttm? most women can’t ask that question. I wonder if a woman got to choose, what would she choose. and if most straight men weren’t the pentrators, wouldn’t most of them be a bttm.
being a bttm is emotional. if daddy didn’t love you, you are the best bttm. if you like attention, it’s nice to be sought. being a slave, means no thinking, you are owned, somebody owns your body so you do what you are told. you do what you think a slave should do. it’s like that famous line, teach a slave his doggy door and when its not there, he or she will build one.
Why do some gay men become bttms? There is no class that teaches gay men how to become gay men. Nobody handed me a pamphlet or guide. I was a gay man growing up in a heterosexual role. I know for me, because I was gay, and not the macho type of guy, that I didn’t play sports, that I liked art and culture, that most of my interests were perceived as effeminate. That maybe I started seeing myself as effeminate and when it came for me to take on a sexual role, me being gay, I probably more identified with the effeminate role which was a woman. it ain’t brain surgery. or maybe it was my dick. it my dick was huge, maybe I would’ve felt to use it more. but it was all about my dick. what was the motivation of my dick. how I was going to tame the world with my dick. but I didn’t believe in my dick. so I became a bttm. it wasn’t brain surgery.
So if I internalized such messages, as a bttm I assumed that I was suppose to be a sexual slave to men.
I kept wondering why I was so damn frustrated. I remember this one guy, he was a great fuck buddy, he’d come over and his body was perfect, and he was young and beautiful and his dick was fantastic. He would pound the hell out of me all night. All night I take his nut, the condoms would pile up on the floor. But always in the morning, he left me with my dick rock hard. He didn’t touch it. He refuse to believe I was sexual. I was just a play thing. I was just a slave. I was a fucking Slave, literally.
When I would start jacking off, he would leave the room and go to the bathroom. And I continued that one sided relationship for three months. I thought I was happy but secretly I hated him. I didn’t’ know how to get off. I didn’t know how to get off.
so when a self prescribed top asked me how does one please a bttm, I would first have to ask where is the btmm’s head. you don’t please me. your dick is to assist me. like my hole is to assist your dick. that’s where it starts. it has to be mutual. I’m not there just to assist dick. I’m not a sexual slave anymore. I’m not a sexual slave. and I know most men watch porn and they think real life is like that. but it isn’t. that is a fantasy. that is a male fantasy that women have no minds, just pussy. and women don’t have a mind, just a pussy, if I’m a bttm, and homosexuality is heterosexual, than I don’t have a mind, I just have a hole. I just have some good ass. but it don’t work that way. dick is to assist me, it’s not to control me. dick is a good time, not my master. so when the top asked me how to please a bttm, I simply had to say, how does the bttm please himself. do you think your dick is to be worshipped or do you actually participate in sex. that makes a difference. when you disrespect a bttm, you don’t please him. when you disrespect women, you don’t please a bttm. if a bttm disrespects women, he will never be pleased. sex has always been about power, and it always will be.